The blog has been silent for a few days now- basically because I wasn't sure how to formulate all that has been swirling around in my mind. My journals have been a source of release and maybe some day I'll be in a place where I can share them.

What I can say is that God is good. Simply that. He is good. It doesn't all feel good, appear good or that the circumstances are even good. But- GOD is good. What we are experiencing at this moment is HIS best for us. It boggles my mind to think that the pain I see others experiencing: the loss, the hurt, the unanswered questions, could in anyway be good. When I hear from friends that continue to struggle with loneliness, when I see friends in terrible circumstances that they themselves did not create. When I see my teens struggling to make their faith their own and having so many questions. When I see a student body that is so lost and blinded. When I know I have loved ones that go to bed hungry every night and wondering if there will be money to feed their children tomorrow.....

It doesn't seem so good.

And then I look at my situation- and realize that it is all so petty in light of the pain and suffering in the world. Simply not having things the way I wanted them, having my needs unmet, my dreams unfulfilled- so small in terms of the greater picture.

But- pain is pain. Hurt is hurt. It may look different, appear in varying degrees- but it is real. It is present. And it has to be worked through. Not on a specific timetable- but given the time to ooze and ebb until is has been satisfied in God.

I've been immersing myself in reading these last two weeks- the Word, books to bring comfort, books to bring perspective.
One book that has been incredible (and I highly recommend you reading it....though I haven't finished it yet)- is "Shattered Dreams" by Larry Crabb. A pretty dramatic title....but most definately the best book I've read on dealing with loss and pain. Nothing sugar coated here- and he says everything you and I wish we could say (a couple of times I had to stop and say....this is a Christian book? because his comments were so "unchristian" but exactly what you and I are thinking)

Let me give you one quick quote:

"Our fondest dreams for this life, the ones we naturally believe are essential to our happiness, must be fully abandoned if we are to know God well. But we cannot abandon without help. The help we need, most often is suffering, the pain of seeing at least a few of our fondest dreams shattered. Shattered dreams are necessary for spiritual growth."

Ouch- not a comforting quote. But quite possibly a very true statement. We'd all like to coast through the Christian life comfortably- doing our thing, helping others, enjoying a few minutes of "the daily bread". But, it is suffering that brings us to our knees- that propels us to His Word for comfort, that ignites true worship- enabling us to see that God is good. And, we should not hide during these times of suffering. Our initial reaction is to curl up in our darken bedroom and escape from the questions, pressures- from life. It is by far harder to experience suffering in the marketplace- in the midst of ministry- in the midst of life. And yet doing so allows others to particpate and to see God's work in us.

Suffering also allows us to have a clearer perspective- I've seen amazing things of God in these last two weeks. Seeing Him working in our youth group, drawing my teens closer to Him, seeing two girls make professions of faith, seeing the hunger for truth, the enthusiasm to serve the Lord. His Word has been a soothing balm and times of worship have been moving, refreshing and healing (if you haven't heard the Integrity iWorship 24:7 cd- you have to get it......I think it was produced just for me and this season). And the reminder of the amazing relationships/friendships that God has brought into my life- that minister to my heart and soul- providing comfort, listening, offering reminders of God's faithfulness and speaking truth. It allows you to truly experience community.

One song that has become my heartsong is "None But Jesus" (sung by Christy Nockels on 24:7)

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forevermore

Praying that your delight is in the Lord- regardless of your circumstances, regardless of your shattered dreams. It isn't easy and God knows that. Ask Him to be your delight- Ask Him to help you make those choices. And, I have feeling He will meet you there- because He delights in You. Because He wants His best for you- and sees far beyond what we can.

Always~
Elisabeth